As was said in some diatribe from some muse who is probably no longer alive, “That’s it… I’m done!” Or, in the words of Porky Pig, “Th-th-th-that’s all folks!”

Just don’t have the drive or desire anymore. Besides, no one really reads this damn thing anyway. It was just some place I could hang my hat when someone pissed me off bad enough to put it in print. Besides… who blogs anymore? It’s all tweets and Facebook and social media… crapola. Somehow the printed word is getting bastardized into some derivative language; all chopped up and irregular in it’s presentation. I guess I’m getting to old for all this new social media stuff… I guess I’m just getting to old.

So this is my swan song. (Boy, that’s a term that needs an explanation. Swan Song: This term is derived from the legend that, while they are mute during the rest of their lives, swans sing beautifully and mournfully just before they die. This isn’t actually the case – swans, even the inaccurately named Mute Swans, have a variety of vocal sounds and they don’t sing before they die.)

Quite possibly there will singing, revelry and dancing in the streets… I won’t bother with the explanation of the phrase. Just suffice to say, I’m outta here.  Maybe someone else will want to pick up the gauntlet and do their best to bore the crap outta people who are just trying to make a living. And that’s all I am trying to do; is make a living. And I really am not very good at that either.

So, there you have it… Uncle Mark is saying “Adios…”. And that heart felt sigh of relief is accepted… fondly… and returned…

Until…

Our lawmakers were busy this year… stuffing their pockets with money obtained off of personal “pork” projects. By the way, those “pork” projects are paid for by you and I. It’s our taxes doing good things and buying large personal yachts for our elected officials (whole other story line… I’ll let it rest tho…).

Do you remember the law that made molesting butterflies in City parks a misdemeanor? Well, those duly elected officials, the ones we pay our tax dollars to, managed to get that law changed. Took a day and a half to change the wording to read as “bother butterflies” on that one.

Here’s a good (kaff…) motorcycle law. If you are under the age of 21, a new law requires the completion of a motorcycle safety course administered by the CHP if you want to obtain a motorcycle instruction permit. But, if you are older than 21, never really ridden a motorcycle, use a friends Rebel 250 to pass the very difficult (ah…hem) DMV motorcycle driving test to obtain your M1 and you have the money, you could buy a 160HP bad-azz crotch-rocket. Just throw your babe on back and do wheelies down the freeway… eventually ending up as a statistic that the CHP and the Coroner’s office would have to scrape off the freeway.

New bike... New Driver... Same PITA passenger...

Another bike related fiasco here. There’s now a law that deals with motorcycle theft. It makes it a misdemeanor to possess, give, or lend any device designed to bypass the factory-installed ignition of a motorcycle to start the engine without the manufacturer’s key or any motorcycle ignition or part of motorcycle ignition, with the intent to unlawfully take or drive, or to facilitate the unlawful taking or driving of a motorcycle, without the consent of the owner. A misdemeanor. If you carry a screwdriver around a hot (as in “stolen”) motorcycle, you’re fresh meat and you could be on the receiving end of a parking ticket… well, the equivalent of a parking ticket anyway. Is this law a deterrent? Or a detriment? I can hear the cop now; “Hey Bub, you got a nail clipper on ya? That there vehicle is a stolen motorcycle and you’re the closest warm body to it. Gonna have to cite ya for that I’m afraid…”

You know those gay little underpowered roller skates bearing the yellow and white “clean-air” stickers that clog up the car-pool lanes? Guess what? They can continue to use the high occupancy vehicle traffic (read: car-pool) lanes. And forty thousand new stickers will be issued to early purchasers of Enhanced Advanced Technology Partial Zero Emission Vehicles (EATPZEV). They will still be underpowered, have a max speed of 50 miles per hour (if the owners can get them to go that fast) and look like badly put together tissue boxes.

Hallelujah! You are now allowed to record your passengers while they are inside your car. That is, as long as the occupants are notified that their conversations may be recorded. It also allows you to place a video event recorder in a 7-inch square space in the lower corner of a vehicle windshield on the passenger side, or a 5-inch square in the lower corner of the vehicle windshield on the driver’s side, outside of an airbag deployment zone. Now you can record the backseat trysts your teenagers are getting into. YouTube never had it so good! If your responsible for your office car-pool, every passenger will have to sign a release, provide six forms of identification and remove all sharp objects from their pockets before boarding. “Mr. Driver, I’m ready for my close-up now!”

What did that sign say?

Remember the Amber Alerts? Now there are Blue Alerts. The Emergency Alert System (EAS) specifies that the Law Enforcement Officers Blue Alert is similar to an Amber Alert. This alert system goes into effect if a law enforcement officer is killed, suffers serious bodily injury or is assaulted with a deadly weapon, and the suspect has fled the scene of the offense. Pardon me… but if the dude (or dudette) that does this kinda thing is caught by me, they may end up black and blue and bloody cause this kind of thing sets off my Red Alert system.

You’ve seen those moving trailer mounted billboards, right? Well, there’s a new law that deals with mobile billboard displays and it defines such displays as advertising. Ya think? These devices are attached to a wheeled, mobile, non-motorized vehicle that carries, pulls or transports a sign or billboard for the primary purpose of advertising. You gotta be kidding me. The law did go one step futher… the damn thing can be towed (and impounded) if you park it illegally in a crippled peoples parking spot. “Uh, yes… Is this the police impound yard? My mobile trailer sign thing that advertises Viagra and “You Go Boy” condoms that was sitting in front of Hills Park Elementary School right next to the fire hydrant is missing. You guys didn’t tow it, did you?”

I wonder... does this qualify under CA DMV rules?

You know what a “utility trailer” is? Not until January 1st, 2011 you didn’t. There’s a new California law that defines a utility trailer as “a trailer or semi-trailer used solely for the transportation of a user’s personal property, which cannot be used in commerce, cannot exceed gross weight of 10,000 pounds, but can be used for transportation of livestock.” Hear that Bubba? Now you can haul your pet sheep in a utility trailer instead of that old broken down livestock hauler.

I can see this next police stop now. Cop gets on the loudspeaker; “Hey! Buzz-Bait! Yeah… You in the pick-em-up truck that’s jacked 8 feet off the ground and hasn’t seen a dirt clod… Pull that spank wagon over to the curb. Hey, there’s sumpthin’ you should know dood. You see there’s this little amended Section of the Vehicle Code? It now a requirement that your license plate is to be mounted parallel to the ground so the characters are upright and display from left to right. So, that off angle, vertical shingle in your rear window ain’t cuttin’ it Dutch. I’m gonna have to haul yer ass in.”

And from the Thank-you God fringe… There’s a new law which allows drivers of vehicles to pass on the right under specified conditions and it was amended to clarify that it does not prohibit a bicyclist from passing on the right in either a bicycle lane or on a shoulder. Makes me all teary-eyed just thinking about it. I always wondered where the cop was as I was sitting in stopped traffic and those bikers with the little whiffle ball helmets would race past me on the right, cause everybody knows you can’t pass on the right. Right? Or was that left? Right? Never mind…

And from the WTF files… There was this section about driving with a cell phone? A section 23123(a) Which said that a person shall not drive a motor vehicle while using a wireless telephone (read: cell-phone) unless that wireless telephone is specifically designed and configured to allow hands-free listening and talking, and is being used in that manner (read: hands-free) while driving. Nice law… Don’t work… Doesn’t stop the toads from talking or texting while traveling in the fast lane. But it’s a nice law.

You can see this every day if you look hard enough!

Well the new cell phone law has a few less lines of mambo-jumbo (affectionately know as “legalese”) in it. You see, the old cell phone law has been repealed as of January 1, 2011. The new section goes into effect, and I am quoting here… “(g) This section shall become operative on July 1, 2011.” So, you got six months Bosco. Talk up a storm. And if the mobile law-dawg stops you for using your cell phone as a brain warmer, show them this article. May not save you from wearing the silver bracelets or having to buy a ticket to the policeman’s ball, but it makes court a helluva lot more fun.

Again, 2010 was just as expected when it comes to vehicle laws. It patiently obvious that our elected drudges have done their very best to make sure that we abide by some type of rule or regulation that has nary a chance of doing anything for us. Well, that is unless you drive a gay car or ride a bike in them cute little bike shorts and whiffle ball helmet. For the rest of us, we just have to squirm a bit more when we get pulled over by the local constabulary. No matter what, you’ll either be getting a hand slap or a free trip downtown. Probably because of that little hula girl you have mounted on your dash that has been outlawed in fourteen other states… for being sexist!

Welcome 2011…  So, let’s sing…   Should old acquaintance…   forget it…   Auld Lang Syne?  It means literally “old long ago…” and it comes from old Scottish tune.   We translate “Auld Lang Syne” as “The Good Old Days”!

Something interesting crossed my e-desk about a week ago. It was a very official looking document, replete with logos, signatures, major sounding e-mail addresses and powerful sounding words. As I read the document, which had my full name in the subject line, I became uneasy. At the end of the document was a list of approximately eight very prominent judicial bureaucracies, and four obviously made up ones.

The e-mail document was basically telling me that I would not be reported to the FBI, CIA, DOD, NSA or a string of other agencies. The charge you ask? I was being reported to these agencies for treason unless I paid the requisite $175.00 to the EFCC in Lagos, Nigeria.

I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, so this kind of thing caused me to pause, and then laugh. I reread the poorly written letter about six times laughing so hard that I almost soiled myself. In my mind I’m thinking… “what a crock of…”

Wait a minute. This is just the type of ruse to catch some folks blindly filling out a check and mailing it to some scumbag in Nigeria. Why? It’s a simple fact that the American consumer is gullible and that my friends has me more afraid now that at any time in the past.

Most of the “sheet-zah” (a new word for scam e-mail and letters) that comes from these parasites that live in Nigeria or some other dark stinky hole usually tell me I can have 20 or 30 percent of 26.5 million “crotch-rots” or some denomination if I just help some poor dude out of his settlement dispute arising from the death of some long lost politician or family member. Pony up the five thousand cash that they need to pay-off some ding-bat judge or corrupt banker and I could be rich in no time.

Here’s the sad part. I got three phone calls within about a week from people asking me if this FBI e-mail that they just got was legit or not. These are educated folks; people whose opinions or guidance I have relied upon in the past. They are asking me what they should do. And then lo and behold, the same exact letter crops up on a web site forum that I frequent. Those leeches in Nigeria are getting smarter. What happens when they get so smart that they sucker you and empty your bank account?

I read in the paper recently that a series of credit card “bills” got mailed out to some of the residents who frequent an upscale restaurant in their town. The C/C bill looked very official and even had the correct credit card number on it. The bill only asked for 129 dollars and 42 cents. The C/C never got dinged.

Want the bad news? Over 40% of the folks that got the bill paid it. Apparently, the card number was skimmed, the address of the owner was found out and a very official looking billing statement was mailed out complete with an addressed return envelope.

So who do we shoot? Who do we prosecute? Who do we report to? Heck, can we even be sure we are reporting anything to a legitimate agency? If your point a finger at someone, there are three more pointing back at you. I hear howls of indignation? Where do I get off saying that it’s OUR FAULT?   Because…  it is our fault.

If any one of these scams never gets tripped; in other words, if not one single scam artist got back a nickel when he pulled one of these things, would they keep doing it? So yeah… it’s our fault. There are some of us who are so gullible that when a friend sends out an e-mail that he/she got mugged at gun-point in London England, and their wallet/purse got stolen and they need $1500 quid to get out of the country and back home, we waltz down to the Western Union office, fire off the money-gram only to turn around and find that the next guy in line is the exact same friend you were trying to help. And he’s trying to help another friend who got mugged in Sweden.

Congrats! Both of you morons got mugged… at the same time. DON’T TELL ME THAT IT DOESN’T HAPPEN! It does, and all too often I’m afraid.

The year 2011 will be the year of the scam. Time magazine will devote their Man-of-the-Year issue to a cloaked figure lurking in the shadows. Once a week there will be a newspaper report about some elderly couple lamenting the fact that they made a check out for $1600 bucks for a patio they never ordered. There is no doubt in my mind that each and every one of us will get scammed out of our hard earned cash one way or another.

“Not me! I won’t get scammed…” I’ll present a scenario; you will get a bill from the IRS. It states something about a mistake you made in 2008 and the IRS will need you to send a check for $24.95. You’re gonna think, “Aw hell, it’s only 25 bucks” and you’ll fire off the check, with an address of P. O. Box 41231 Dept. SCRW-U. If one hundred thousand people get the same letter and just 40% do the exact same thing you did, that’s a million bucks being sent to the same P. O. Box.

However, if one hundred thousand people got the same letter and no one sent in the check, would the scammer keep trying the same scam?

A large portion of this is our fault. We perpetuate this type of thing by falling for the believable and believing the absurd. Each and every day more and more of our neighbors are getting scammed. Can we stop it? Unfortunately? No. There is no stopping this type of crime. All we really can do is keep our eyes and ears open and expect the “scammers” to offer you their services of parting you and your money.

I can tell you this? We are at war. A war that is silent; instigated on foreign shores and just as capable of killing the American Dream as a bullet is. Arm yourself with knowledge; resort to a careful and detailed understanding of your family surroundings. Just remember that doing all of this is only a small part in this war. Prepare others. Ask questions. Throw the ‘BS’ flag if you don’t understand something and pick up the phone and ask for explanations.

It’s fun to laugh about these things… right up until you realize that your checking account has been emptied and your credit cards have been shut off for being over limit. I wonder who would be laughing then.

By the way… he rode a Kawasaki Ninja 900.

Be safe and secure in 2011?

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Until next time…

Well, interestingly enough, President Grover Cleveland was elected for two non-consecutive terms and is counted twice, as our 22nd and 24th president.

So…  Enough about politics…   Let me ask a more important question…  

What would you do?

It’s a question I sometimes ask myself when I have heard or read about something that has happened in the world.  I asked myself that same question when I read about the following:

San Diego, CA(NNWS) – A Dodge Avenger struck a group of 12 motorcycles Saturday on a highway in El Centro, Imperial County, just east of San Diego, after swerving to avoid a gold Honda Civic that had just passed the bikers.  Four people on the bikes and a passenger in the Dodge Avenger died on the scene, California Highway Patrol spokeswoman Deeann Goudie said. Six other motorcyclists were seriously injured.

“The gold Honda Civic left the scene without stopping and police want to talk with that driver,” Goudie said. “We’re looking for a 1995-2000 model year Gold Honda Civic.”

Police suspect the Honda driver may have fled across the nearby border into Mexico, prompting them to take a look at the border camera video, according to another California Highway Patrol spokesman, Pablo Torrez.  A drunk driving charge that was initially made against the Dodge Avenger driver was dropped Monday after blood test results came back negative, Torrez said.

The bikers are part of the Saddle Tramps Motorcycle group in Lakeside, California. They were taking a casual ride on their Harley Davidsons to celebrate the group’s 10th anniversary.

I am saddened by the events that transpired on that day in Imperial County.  My heart goes out to the families that must now suffer from a senseless act of vehicular manslaughter.  I don’t pretent to understand the reasons why, but I will grieve quietly for all of those folks killed or injured.

Yet it begs me to ask that question.  What would I have done?

I picture myself in that scenario.  Would someone running caboose for my riding group jump on the radio and warn all the riders of impending vehicular stupidity?  As a group would we have listened and made the appropriate safety adjustments?  Would slowing and pulling to the right have been effective enough to alleviate the carnage that ensued here?  Would my pride and irritation have been too strong and would I have pressed the issue of not allowing a cage in between our riders?  Would my leader have seen the out of control vehicle approaching my group and warned everyone behind him of impending disaster and moved abruptly to the right hand road edge?  Would I have been aware enough, and capable enough, to stave off impending disaster in the sceanrio we just read about?

The other day on a ride home from work on my motorcycle, I encountered a “what if…” issue (it’s a pre-emptive derivative to the “what would I have done” scenario).  There are two lanes both going westbound.  The far left lane allows for going forward and making a left hand turn against oncoming traffic.  The far right lane only allows for going forward across the intersection.  I am stopped at the light, first in line in the left lane.  I need to continue west bound which means I will be going forward.  A red Ford Focus pulls up on my right hand side.  I glance at the driver.  She’s an elderly lady with eyes glassed over and not moving a muscle as she waits for the light to turn.

Something in my mind said, “This is an accident waiting to happen…   What if???”. 

The light changed green.  Normally I am on the throttle and pulling away from the stop.  But that inner mind thing told me to sit for a few seconds.  And it’s a good thing I did.  The red Ford Focus turned left right in front of me; the driver oblivious that she was making an illegal left hand turn.  Had there been oncoming traffic, I am sure she would have turned right into someone going the opposite way across the intersection.  Thankfully, no one was there and thankfully my inner voice told me to be cautious.

What would you have done?  Suppose your inner-self told you nothing was wrong with this particular picture and you pulled away only to find yourself being tossed over the left front fender of Grandma’s red Ford Focus?  Close your eyes and visualize this scenario.  What would you have done?  Now, revisualize this scenario and this time think of yourself in your car…   What would you have done?

On a recent ride in the twisties of the Bay Area, west coast of California, I found myself on dry twisty roads and having a beautiful day on which I could run a route.  The posted road signs may say “Caution 25 mph” for an upcoming turn, but the bike screams 40+ and a push to make the turn with the throttle cracked open.  As I am working outside to inside to outside, just as I get to “inside” a small white pick-up, half way into my lane, comes barreling around the corner at an excessive speed.  What would you have done?  Close your eyes and picture yourself in that same scenario.  What would you have done?

You and your five buddies are riding for the day.  It’s warm, sunny and a beautiful day.  All five motorcycles are pulled up at the stop light awaiting your turn to go across the intersection.  Two cars are in front of you and a string of cars making a left are next to you.  You sit patiently and glance down at the rear view mirror and see a 10 ton gravel truck about 50 feet behind you.. And it’s in mid-broadside with tires smoking.  The driver, who just moments prior, was buzy texting his wife, is trying frantically to get his rig stopped.  What would you do?  Close your eyes and picture yourself in that same scenario.  What would you do?  Put yourself in your car and rerun the very same scenario.  What would you do then?

Okay…   I know…  get to the point.  The point is this; we are pressed into these life and death situations almost daily.  We hope that those around us are watching out for thier safety as much as you are watching out for yours.  How we keep out of these dangerous “no-win” scenario’s is dependant on how we “sense” what goes on around us and the decisions we make way before anything bad can happen.  For those of us on motorcycles, we have to have a sixth, seventh and eighth sense when it comes to traveling on America’s roadways.  When I ask myself the “what would I have done…” question, I almost always come to the conclusion that any one of the above scenarios could have resulted in death.  My death.

And it scares the hell out of me.  And that’s the point.  These things that we read about, hear about or have been involved in should scare the hell out of us. If you have had a circumstance happen where the adrenaline was pumping because of an “Oh SHEEIT” moment, then you have been scared by something that just happened.

The one thing that this motorcycle fascination has taught me is that I have to be more careful in my daily life, whether I am on the motorcycle or not.  I am so much more aware of my driving habits now then I would be had I never taken up the sport again.  I find myself in the car, doing the same thing I do on the bike.  What if this guy..?   What if that lady..?   I should be here because if something happens I have a way out…  Now, if I check the rear view mirror before I move, I get the full picture, not just a furtive glance and allowing my mind to get buzy filling in the blanks because that’s what I should see.

I cannot tell you what I would have done in situation in Imperial Valley on that sunny day in November.  But the one thing I cannot do is accept that there was nothing that could have been done to keep me and my riding friends safe.  Somewhere…  somehow…  in that whole situation, something could have been done differently.  Now the question is, would I have known what that was?  Would I have been able to make the right decision to keep me, and those I am riding with, out of harms way?

I also realize that one of the reasons that people often make bad decisions, is because they put themselves into these “no-win” scenarios.  Am I doing that when I swing a leg over my motorcycle and prepare to do battle on the roads of America?  Everytime I crank the starter, am I putting myself into a no-win situation?

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Until next time…

So…  What was California’s Prop 19?

I’ll tell you what it wasn’t. It wasn’t about making marijuana a legal intoxicant, which would have legalized small amounts of recreational marijuana for personal use. It wasn’t a legalization thing. What this law supposedly allowed for was the use of marijuana to be available for any adult over 21 to grow or posses a legal narcotic. This wasn’t about legalizing marijuana so that it will make our citizens healthier, solve California’s budget crisis, or reduce drug related violence in Mexico.

I’ll tell you what it was. It was a poor excuse for a referendum on legalizing a narcotic.

Would I ever vote in favor of a law or proposition for the legalization of Marijuana? Hell yeah. In a flat heartbeat. But the main problem about floating these ideas is the ignorant folks who write these stupid propositions. They are sampling to much of their own “chronic” and have no regard for me or their loved ones or anyone else for that manner.

You want a proposition about legalizing marijuana that I will vote for? Here you go… Try this on for size.

PROPOSITION

I can have in my possession as an adult over the age of 21, and not involved with the licensed selling or cultivation, less than one ounce. Anything more than one ounce is punishable by 4 years in a federal prison. PERIOD.

If it is determined that you are driving or operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated or high on marijuana, or have a joint smoldering in your ash tray, the first offense is a mandatory punishable sentence of 8 years in a federal prison. The second offense draws a punishable sentence of 25 years. The third offense carries a life term. PERIOD!

Should it be determined that someone is killed due to your negligence and from being intoxicated on marijuana, you will be incarcerated for 40 years with no eligibility of parole. PERIOD!

Establishments that serve alcoholic beverages or have any kind of liquor license are not allowed to have on the premise anyone smoking or ingesting marijuana or indulging in the sale of the drug under penalty of loosing their business, their licenses and any and all proceeds in the till. Proceeds from the auction of the items on the premises deemed to be owned by the business will be forfeit. PERIOD!

Should you be found to be under the influence at a work place where you and/or others lives are in jeopardy by your use of marijuana, you will be incarcerated for 7 years with no possibility of parole. PERIOD!

- – - – - – -  end of proposition – - – - – - -

Throw in a crap load of legal mambo-jumbo and you have a proposition that I would vote for.

Unlike “Bubba” Clinton, I inhaled. Much like booze, I can see where this intoxicant has a place. Where it does not have a place is where it becomes a danger to someone else. Right now today, I drive down the freeway wondering what ass-hat is drunk and driving a 1/2 ton moving weapon. In and around construction sites, I can imagine grisly consequences if a worker falls asleep at his/her job due to a BAC of .09 and above.

The above are the kinds of rules I’d like to see for DUI – Alcohol. I grow weary of the repeat offender who has been tagged for four, five or six violations for driving while intoxicated and yet they continue to put me and those people I care about in harms way. Attorney’s for these folks who have been cited for intoxication, should not have any defense for their client because the client is troubled and/or misunderstood. My ass! If they are found guilty, they go away. PERIOD!

An estimated 11,773 people died in alcohol-impaired driving crashes in 2008. The number of injured is more than three times that amount. You want to see a reduction in those numbers? Apply the rules you see above… AND MAKE IT STICK! You want to be able to relax around your hot tub in your backyard with a little weed, a Maker’s Mark (double) over ice while shish-ka-bobs roast on your grill, I have no issues. Hell, I’ll even join in. But the moment I do anything to cause harm to another due to my negligence using a vehicle or being on the job, I expect to go away. It’s the price I will pay for having the ability to smoke or ingest marijuana.

I can hear the bleeding hearts now… “Oh, my. How will we pay for all of those prisons that will be needed to house all those folks who will be incarcerated?” It’s simple. If you’re a company that wants to cultivate, produce and sell? You will pony up 10 million bucks to build an energy producing institution. The government will pony up the rest… after all, Uncle Sam will be getting a generous “cut” of every ounce sold to repay the cost of construction.

However, those poor folks who are being sent away will make, and/or manage, electrical power. The power that is being provided to the electrical grid will pay for the upkeep of the prison. There is nothing wrong with hard labor. Don’t feel sorry for those folks who made bad choices. It was those bad choices that could have gotten you and/or your family and friends killed.

Yeah… It’s harsh. It has to be. There are too many jerks on the road, or are working who are well over a BAC or .08. I sure as hell do not want to legalize marijuana so that anyone who’s had a snort and a loaded brownie can wipe out my family and be doing the same thing three weeks later. The rules associated with being able to fire up a number have to be strict. They have to be harsh. They have to be severe. You put that in some kind of proposition and I’m ready to sign my name. And then throw a blanket on the ground, roll a bomber and watch the stars twinkle against a black velvet background.

So everything you read is…  well…  interesting.  I guess what I am asking for is a proposition with some teeth. Don’t just sashay around an issue and expect the American public to swallow what you tell us to swallow.  We are already doing way to much of that right now!
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Until next time…

Venice, LA – May 27, 2011; Mr. David Miller, 49, the former assistant drilling supervisor stationed aboard the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig contracted by oil giant British Petroleum (BP), was sentenced today to 35 years to life for his actions aboard the Deepwater Horizon.

“His actions were reprehensible. The admission of guilt by Mr. Miller was more than enough to seal his fate and solidify our charges of terrorism on board the Deepwater Horizon”, said Mr. Gerald Fanner, attorney for BP Operations.

As Mr. Miller was being led out of the courtroom, members of the crew that had stood by him during his trial shook their heads in disbelief. Directly behind the defendants table Mrs. Miller cried softly all the while being comforted by her two young sons.

Assistant director of BP Drilling Operations, Jason Wilkommer held a press conference outside of the courtroom. “Justice was served today”, he said. “Mr. Miller now knows what it means when you tell your employees not to do anything unless someone higher up is notified of your intended actions. This chain of command was violated by Mr. Miller when he threw the switch that activated the bag to seal the well and started the emergency pumping of heavy drilling mud into the well head. His statements that ‘something was not right with the well’ and that he felt something was seriously wrong with the pressure testing being done on the well at the time in question tells us that Mr. Miller was trying to sabotage the drilling operation and deal BP and Transocean a huge set back.”

Connie Raybar, attorney for Mr. Miller tried to plead her case to anyone who would listen on the courthouse steps. “Mr. Miller had reason to believe that a dangerous situation was about to happen aboard that rig. His interpretation of readings during the pressure test indicated that the well was getting away from the crew on the platform and he initiated the shut-down procedure to preserve life and property. The very fact that BP and Transocean would not acknowledge the removal of alarms, the test results that showed that a problem existed at the well head and those senior members of the rig would not comment on, or did not know about conditions aboard the Deepwater Horizon, is proof enough that something was wrong on that rig.”

According to court documents, Mr. Miller was standing in the “drilling shack” trying to make sense of test readouts being performed during a static pressure test. As he was talking among the crew and voicing his alarm at the rise in pressures on a well head that should have had static pressures, senior executives, including Mr. Wilkommer, entered the shack on a tour. The executives did not seem to be as concerned about the read-outs as Mr. Miller was. In fact, when Mr. Miller started to protest, Mr. Wilkommer expressly told him to forget the readings and complete the test.

Mr. Miller was not happy with the decision and testified that he was so concerned that he decided to monitor the test for another hour. About thirty minutes later, he says he stepped out of the shack and could smell gas pouring up through the well head and past the blow-out preventer. He immediately initiated shut-down procedures by activating “the bag”, a thick membrane that surrounds a key part of the drill mechanism and ordered that heavy drilling mud be pumped back into the well to quell the leaking gas. In his testimony, Mr. Miller was adamant that had he not shut down the well, a catastrophic event could have occurred.

Crew members questioned about the actual situation said that they told Mr. Miller that it was not a good idea to shut the well down as management could come down hard on them for initiating the action. Several members said that Mr. Miller had said “They can kiss my ass. I am not about to lose my life or sacrifice yours because of a stupid rule. I have been doing this kind of work for 12 years. There’s something wrong with this well and I am shutting it down before things get out of control.”

Drilling crews testified that there were indeed issues with the well and the rig and since early March, and up until April 20th, many thought that the well was having some type of issue. The lack of management interaction was a concern, but they couldn’t say or do anything for fear of losing their job.

Most of the senior engineers aboard the rig testified that they had been told repeatedly that only Mr. Wilkommer and the President of BP operations, Mr. Norton Crouther were the only ones who could issue orders to actuate those emergency procedures. These were the same executives who had supposedly told rig engineers to silence the alarms on the rig so that members of the crew could get sleep without having to be woken up for minor issues.

Mr. Miller was taken into custody by security personnel aboard the drilling rig shortly after the incident and was subsequently charged with domestic terrorism, a charge which could have included the death penalty.

In the defenses closing statement, Mrs. Raybar said, “Mr. Miller acted according to what he felt was a dangerous situation. Tests are done on wells to show engineers if a problem exists. A problem did exist. Had Mr. Miller not shut down the well, there could have been an explosion aboard the Deepwater Horizon which could have resulted in the loss of life, a loss of the rig itself or the spillage of thousands, perhaps millions of gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico.

BP’s legal team showed that Mr. Miller’s contention that management and practices aboard the rig were responsible for a dangerous situation were unfounded. In fact, BP executives said that the Deepwater Horizon is as safe today as it was eight years ago when she was commissioned. Mr. Miller’s attempt to point the finger at BP or Transocean for flagrant safety violations was his way of trying to deflect what his true intentions were, which was the resultant damage he did to the rig.

The Deepwater Horizon stayed on station for an additional three weeks replacing the well head that is 5,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. According to sources on board the Deepwater Horizon, there was no chance of leaking oil or gas due to the amount of mud that had been pumped into the well head casing by Mr. Miller’s actions. The engineers for BP say that the well can be reopened and tapped for the future and no real significant damage to the well was done. The Deepwater Horizon has since moved onto another site in the Gulf of Mexico.

On Doomed Rig’s Last Day

There was nobody in charge

Until next time…

I enjoy music; all kinds of music. Rock, Jazz, Blues, “long-hair”… I won’t discuss what it is that I don’t like (rap) or music that I despise (rap) or music that should not be allowed to be performed unless you’re willing to do the time in jail (gangsta rap).

This morning I was listening to a CD that I had just bought. This CD was a repress of an old album that I was introduced to back in the sixties. That’s 1960… I’m not that old.

The CD was remastered. It is a recording of a live performance of The Boston Pops Orchestra directed by Arthur Fiedler and the guest star was Allan Sherman. The name of the CD is “Peter & The Commissar“ which includes selections on variations of the tune “How Dry I Am” and “The End of a Symphony”. As I sat in traffic and listened to the CD, I laughed, applauded and got a little misty eyed.

The End of the Symphony – Allan Sherman and the Boston Pops

It was also a sad moment. All of this talent, this amazing ability to change music, rewrite what had been written before, create new and unheard music and blend tones and instruments into something moving, inspiring and thrilling… will not come from today’s generation of children. Music / Art, either as an appreciation or learned function, is no longer being taught in our schools.

Most music is publicly broadcast and is the musical equivalent of a limerick. Popular music is relatively short with repetitive rhythms, melodies, and harmonies that are easy to listen to. Its main purpose is to entertain and sell. Conversely, it takes effort and some musical knowledge to comprehend a piece of artistic music. Artistic music requires concentration and memory to decode and reconstruct various bits of musical information. Look, everyone can enjoy a Beethoven symphony; however, it is appreciated on a different level by someone with an understanding of the form, the delicate timing and sequences, and the history of the symphony. A painting may be a masterpiece to an art critic and yet it would be a childish gibberish or nonsense to someone with no background in serious art.

Today’s schools are no longer teaching the arts. We are losing a gift. And it’s a gift that today is being supplanted by video games, budget constraints, parental indifference and governmental ignorance.

As a people we are losing our artistic heritage.

Oh sure, there are kids who have picked up a guitar and played three chord garage band tunes with a couple of friends from down the street, but it’s not really good listening music. Is it something that one can appreciate? Maybe, if you’re a parent who really gives a damn about what your child does with his artistic mind. But it is far from being an art. The percentage of young adults who are taking up music, painting or poetry as a purely artistic function is roughly one-half of one percent of all of those who came out of school with artistic aspirations just forty years ago.

Does the town you live in have a symphony orchestra? Mine does… but it may not be doing concerts for much longer. The lack of upcoming talent (as well as budgetary restrictions) may spell the death knell for arts in my town. Even “Community Theater” is taking a hit because the talent pool of people who can sing and dance is so small that casting calls produce little to no trained talent (despite what you see on some stupid talent T.V. show… or maybe because of it).

Actually, it’s a shame. A large portion of our physical make-up is an appreciation of the arts, be it music, painting, wood working, sculpting, architecture or poetry. Schools can no longer teach it. Parents no longer can influence a child’s artistic mind when the mind is set on sitting in front of a T.V. or computer. The future of the Arts is bleak and as of right now, it looks like the loss will not be felt immediately by today’s people. But future generations will most likely suffer.

Is there a fix? Can I suggest some way to correct this death spiral of artistic indifference? Not really. Much like our dwindling resources, that history has already been written. Today we can appreciate the art and flair of those folks, some of them long since dead, who created the symphonies, paintings and sculptures. But I am beginning to doubt there is a modern-age Beethoven or Picasso in today’s school system.

And that is really a shame… Not for those of us living today, but for those who will live in what I foresee as a very bleak future.

So, what is the “mammoth channel”?

It’s an ancient gold-bearing river channel that is situated under the ridge that the town of Paradise, CA sits on.

Until next time…

When did paying attention become an afterthought on today’s highways?

Is it the way we are taught in today’s society?  Is it that our electronic devices or our outward appearance or the printed document are so much more important that being attentive while we maneuver our 3,000 pound unguided missile down the street is relegated to fourth, fifth or sixth in our thought list?

My God!  Are we so full of ourselves that we can text on a cell phone, adjust the volume on the radio, insert another CD-Rom in the player stack, reread the paragraph in an article that captured our attention at morning coffee and stuff the last remnants of a sweet roll in our maw all the while making damn sure that nothing got on our clothes in the process, and doing all of this while trying NOT to kill someone?

Is our small and petty personal life problems more important than the guy trying to turn left into a parking lot that we DO NOT see?

I am astounded each and everyday by every type of person imaginable and how they perceive the amount of attention they think is required to drive four wheels at 65 MPH…   and these idiots are doing it RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

That’s it…  I am making sure I have a ton of life insurance, updating my last will and testament, contacting the Neptune Society and booking an open slot at my local church, because if I have to drive one more day with the brainless idiots I happen to share the freeway with, I may not make it.  No wonder folks are moving to the country!  But even there you have moron’s who can’t figure out which side of a four lane highway they should meander down the road on.

I am damn serious.  It’s become an epidemic, and, as of right now, there is no cure.

The U. S. Department of Transportation has made a projection that by the year 2012, less than a year away, over 68% of the non-fatal accidents that occur on the nations highways will have occurred because of driver distraction (which is a real nice way of saying that the dimwit who caused the accident was texting, talking on a cell phone, eating a Big Mac AND drinking a cola while driving with his/her knees or fiddling with the radio in one form or another).  The list of driver related distractions could number in the thousands!

These are non-fatal accidents.  Would you like to guess what the percentage of accidents that occur due to inattention which result in a fatality is?  How about all of them!

To hell with that…   let’s look at all this one other way.  The USDOT has also stated that the possibility of you being involved in an inattentive driver’s accident over the next five years is…   wait for it…   92%.  The USDOT does not make a distinction if the driver who is responsible for the inattentive accident is you or someone else.  I wonder why?

So…   I guess I am going to get into an ID (Inattentive Driver) accident.  I may loose my life because of this ID accident.  There is nothing I can do about this ID accident, is there?  And law enforcement is going to issue $25 tickets for talking on a cell phone and look the other way when Mr. Business Suit eats his bowl of Cheerios and drives with his…  uh…  knees?  At least I hope he’s driving with his knees.

As epidemics go, this one is curable.  It won’t take much to implement the cure and the cure can have an effect immediately.  The cure is harsh, but it is fair.  It’s also something that you may not agree with me on, but it has to be done.  While painful in it’s dosage, it will preclude it from ever happening again.  All it takes is one elected official who has the intestinal fortitude to stand up for the rights of the living and he/she has to realize that his/her family may be saved by just such a cure.

You ready???

Here it is…  a new law for the rule books!

“In the event it is proven, either by observance by an officer of the law, or by contraindications of an accident, that a driver responsible for the unsafe operation of a motor vehicle who was not paying full attention while driving, shall loose his/her rights to drive for a period of five (5) years and regardless of who is the registered or legal owner, will forfeit, along with any perceived value to the DOT/DMV in the states jurisdiction, the vehicle involved in the violation.  Anyone convicted of this violation will be fined no less than $12,000 per infraction and/or serve one year in jail.”

I am slowly leaning towards a zero tolerance for inattentive driving and/or driving under the influence.  About the only way I can see to remove the possibility of someone who wants to take my life with his/her vehicle due to their irresponsible behaviour is to remove the vehicle from the equation because it’s painfully obvious that prevention system in place right now, isn’t keeping the epidemic at bay.

Besides, Starky and Hutch’s Ford Gran Torino being forfeit to the State because the current owner was doing her nails on I-10 just might help out in this fiscal crisis, doncha think?  And those who said that all I ever do is bitch about the problem and yet I never offer an alternative or a solution…   CAN GO POUND SAND!

Until next time…

Don’t Worry Be Happy

by Bobby McFerrin

The “instruments” in the a cappella song are entirely overdubbed voice parts and other sounds made by Mr. McFerrin, using no instruments at all.

I really think NASCAR should allow the F1M Superbikes to race alongside, doncha think?

How about having a goalie at or around the basket in a basketball game…

Sudden death play-off in World Cup Soccer matches…

Golf with real hazards like Alligators, flaming tar pits or busy intersections…

No holds barred Hockey (who needs ref’s anyway)…

Rollerball!!!!!   Yeah…

Just a few simple musings…

And I guess the only reason I am waxing philosophic about sports is due to the constant irritating rant from sports nuts and sport news casters that sports referees are making bad calls.  A perfect game in baseball was negated by a first base line umpire.  A U.S. goal in World Cup Soccer was denied by a ref who obviously has a grudge against the good ol’ U.S. of A. In the NBA play-offs, the refs blew their whistles non-stop in the first half of one game and then swallowed those same whistles in the second half.

Where is parity?  Where is fair?  Why don’t we throw those idiot refs and umpires out and revert to computerized systems to make it all fair?  We can use replay systems that make sure things get called right.  Electronic overseer’s that focus on what every player is doing, not just the person with the ball / puck / bat / stick. etc., right?  After all, computerized systems hold no grudges, can’t be influenced and could care less who is playing who.  You can correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t instant replay devices are about as impartial as you can get, right?

So we are really talking about removing the human factor from the sports we love.  For as long as I can remember, there have always been normal guys and gals calling the fouls / penalty / errors in games.  These folks are human, right alongside the players.  If we are asking them to impartially judge some part or portion of a game or contest, then we should abide by the decisions they make, good or bad.

It’s a part of the sport…  it always has been.  Until we get the computerized system to call an impartial game or contest, then we must use and accept the human factor in any sporting event.  And this means we can be mad at the lousy calls, boo the ref or curse “Blue”.  It’s a big part of every game and it’s something you have to live with. It has been and should always be a love / hate relationship with those that should be impartial.

However, the day we take the human factor out of a game or contest is the day I refuse to watch, participate or be a fan of that particular sport. Pretty soon we will be watching a version of football that closely resembles the way The Jetson’s watched football…  two mechanical teams “duke” it out on the gridiron.

For me it would be like going to a baseball or basketball game and not being able to have a hot dog, peanuts or a beer.  Kinda like putting a guitar, drums and congas in a simple little song like “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.  It just wouldn’t be the same…

Until next time…

]]> http://expressoriders.org/UMBlog/2010/06/18/name-one-of-the-instruments-used-in-the-song-dont-worry-be-happy/feed/ 0 http://expressoriders.org/UMBlog/2010/05/19/how-many-vehicle-salesmen-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/ http://expressoriders.org/UMBlog/2010/05/19/how-many-vehicle-salesmen-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/#comments Wed, 19 May 2010 20:28:51 +0000 UncleMark http://expressoriders.org/UMBlog/?p=421 I’m going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised…

The dealer vs. your pocketbook…

Just recently I got somehow involved in a lively discussion about the cost of doing business with a local dealer and how outrageous the dealers prices were compared to doing the work yourself.  The conversation also focused on finding a product at another store or on the Internet versus getting it from someone local. It seemed that the general consensus was that the dealer overcharges everyone on just about every service type and/or part in their inventory.

Guess what? It’s a fact of life and it’s one I happen to agree with.

Look, a dealer has to make a living. In order to make a living they have to make a profit. To make a profit they have to price services or product according to the guidelines established by their respective manufacturers requirements coupled with a desire to make their enterprise profitable, pay the rent, keep the lights on and provide the simple little “snacks” that you consume when you visit. I cannot begrudge them in trying to keep the doors open.

Let’s look at this dealer relationship in another way.

Does the dealer mind if you find a product or service somewhere else? Sure he does. Any dealer would like to have your business and view the prospect of you going somewhere else as an issue. Dealerships try to make the idea of visiting their establishment a positive one. They try and maintain an inventory that will appeal to ninety percent of the foot traffic that walks through the doors. Sometimes, they will provide little niceties that keep you cool, keep your children entertained while your vehicle is being worked on or allow you to watch your favorite TV programs as you shop or wait for service. If you really stand back a bit from your disgust at what you just got charged, you would see that you are really angry at yourself, not at the dealer.

Case in point: I needed a cable for a helmet COM system. I could have hit the Internet, spent a few minutes looking for the part, and had it shipped to my home. Case closed. However, I need the cable in two days and if I paid for overnight delivery, the cable would have cost more than what I paid for it by going to my local dealer.  And then I got angry at the final cost. But my anger was at myself, not the dealer. Had I been thinking, I would have started this whole cable scenario a week earlier. But I didn’t. The dealer had the part and made an upcoming trip that much better.

How about another case in point: You know that you need to get the oil changed in your car. If you do the work, it costs about sixty bucks and you can complete the task in two hours. What’s your time worth? Ten dollars per hour? Twenty? Fifty? Not counting the tools you may or may not have, lift, clean-up, sophisticated equipment… If you have all of that, plus the time to do the job, then do it. However a dealer offers you an oil change service and the ancillary headaches are something you do not have to put up with. Remember, the word service does not mean just something one does to a vehicle, it means taking that vehicle in, performing the work, and returning it to you in a timely manner… so that you don’t have to do it or think about it.  Having the dealer do the work means you won’t spill the old oil all over the floor of your garage, pinch a finger, slice open your hand on a sharp edge and let the neighbors know that you can swear like a sailor.

Dealerships also need to move services and products in and out quickly. Products that sit in storage bins provide no profit. Therefore dealers will not have every single item you might need in a size you can use. If they did, they would be mind readers anticipating your desires before you walk into their store. They also don’t get paid to have your vehicle sit on a lift while a technician wire brushes a small spot of “Double Bubble” off of a front rim during a tire change. Technicians are told to move them in and move them out. The more work done during a day, the more product a dealer sells during the day, is more money that the dealership can make to stay in business a little bit longer. Also, a technician is trained to perform the service work and to recognize issues that may be developing on your vehicle. That training is costly. It’s also part of the job description. Sales personnel are required to make products look their best, and they have to have the knowledge of what it is and what it does. That knowledge is costly.

Hey, I like to wrench. For me, it’s a way to get in touch with my machine and it helps me gain more and more knowledge about how things work. I will work on my vehicles if time is available and knowledge can be imparted to do a complete job. I also know that I am not trained to identify possible future issues and I accept that as part of doing the work myself. In the tire scenario above, a dealership can ill afford doing a tire change the way that I perform a tire change. But there are times when a dealer may fit the bill in either service work, parts or supplies.

Profit is the only way a dealer can stay in business. Anyone with any kind of business acumen will tell you that. However, when you think a dealer is charging an outrageous amount of money for a product or service, remember that the dealer is trying to keep his doors open and people employed so that you can keep driving your car or motorcycle. And do not think that the money spent is just about the owner and/or the technicians. It’s also about the folks that answer your calls when you phone, the accountants that keep the books, the people that keep the dealership clean and well maintained and the management staff that keeps everyone in their respective departments doing their jobs.  It also includes the inventory people that make sure that you have the right part when you need it and the advertising that tells you when something is available that you might want to look at. A dealership has to make money to stay open and keep people gainfully employed.

Let’s say that a business owner has a 16,000 square foot, eight bedroom, seven bath house on twenty-two acres with a full 600 hundred sensor electronic security system, ten live-in nannies / maid’s / kitchen support, personal security contingent and a motor pool.  Would you want to use their product or service?  I mean it’s obvious that they have to “over charge” for their product just to maintain that life style, right?  Well, you are quite possibly helping them pay for that lifestyle by reading this on your Microsoft operating system. And you pay those high prices for this software with a smile on your face… because you can’t build an operating system, don’t have the time to build an operating system or you don’t want to use any other type of operating system that’s free of charge. Why is that?

I like my local dealers. I like to visit them and say “Hi, how are you?” And there will be times when I need the dealer to be ready to service my vehicle because I haven’t the time nor the expertise. There are some things on my vehicle that I will service myself. Some things I will ask the dealer to do. But I will not grouse about the cost of doing business with my dealer. Yeah, it can be expensive. But if you really look at things from their point of view, keeping the business open and able to service anyones needs, not just yours, may be paramount in their minds.
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Until next time…