Which soft drink ad boasted, “Never had it, and never will”?
October 7th, 2009
The old 7-UP ads were referring to caffeine when they said it “never had it, never will.” I remember these ads from the 80’s, with a large, bald black man from the islands who would laugh jovially and talk about the “un-cola.”
In my normal day of finding neat things on the Internet, I came across this news story in a small Minnesota newspaper. I’d like to share it with you…
It seems there were these two kids in the fourth grade out playing on the playground. Innocent enough… but then, as kids often do, an argument broke out about some finer point of hopscotch or tether-ball… something… As happens often, name calling ensued. The final verbal assault was when one kid told the other kid, “Yeah, well you have erectile dysfunction…”.
This apparently got back to the parents of the little boy who was handed the insult. As with all folks who have a small amount of sunshine throughout the year, they took exception and are now suing the parents of the boy who issued the statement and the school system for not protecting their child from the sexual epithet that was issued.
Not too long ago, there was a story in the local paper about the parents of a little 6 year old girl asking, ”Daddy, have you ever had an erection lasting four hours?”.
If one is going to start using the boob tube to take the temperature of today’s family life, we all need to start taking Cialis with a side trip to Viagra. The number of days we should spend at the local Indian Casino’s should be in double digits and Furlough Friday employees get free $50 additional slot play on Friday’s. We don’t buy enough pizza, hamburgers, fried chicken or [insert T.V. commercial food item here...].
Personally, I am getting sick and tired of the crap in commercials. I am getting irritated with where these idjiot marketing dim wits place this stuff. For example; a Sponge Bob Square Pants cartoon… and right in the middle of it, a pair of soaking tubs on a beach or lake, two people holding hands and the announcer saying “Don’t take Cialis is you have a history of heart disease…”. So I guess that all of the erectile dysfunctional folks watch Sponge Bob. I guess advertisers think that you might as well since you can’t do anything else.
At some point, someone is going to speak up and make a big stink. I have and will continue to do so. If I can find a lawyer that would love to take on the crap affecting families in commercials pro-bono, I am there. Right this moment, it’s a write in campaign. Once a week, it’s all I ask. Write the local stations and complain about the nature of the crap you are subjected to on the commercials. It doesn’t have to be about a medical product or pill. Heck, I just wrote one complaining about the “no neck” jerk in the cardigan that whispers to pizza. What an pile of smoking horse dung.
Oh, and that fiber enriched crap they are trying to push on these old ladies in the supermarket isle… and cars, oh my gawd, we are not buying enough cars. WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD A CAR IN TODAYS MARKET. AND THOSE WANNA BE ROCKERS TOUTING THE FREE CREDIT REPORT… THEY SHOULD BE HAULED OFF AND FLOGGED. DO CAVEMEN REALLY RIDE RICE ROCKETS AND GO BOWLING ON FRIDAY NIGHTS? TELL ME WHERE IT SAYS THAT A BANK CAN DESTROY A NICE ROCK AND ROLL TUNE WHILE YOU WATCH FLOATING WHALES AND CRASHING WAVES? KNOCK THAT STUFF OFF PLEASE. AND IF THAT DIRT BAG SELLING HANDY CHOPPERS OR SHAMMY RAGS EVER GRACES MY T. V. AGAIN, I WILL GO BALLISTIC…
AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
.
.
.
.
I’m much better now… Asinine commercials don’t seem to bother me much anymore. I pulled an Elvis and shot my T. V. Things are so much nicer when you don’t have some jackass haranguing you about stuff you really don’t want to know about, care about or give a rat’s butt about.
I imagine that some families could do with a good old fashioned dose of “no T. V. night” and a decaffeinated soft drink. Wouldn’t you agree?
