What is California?

You know…    It’s the state that has a town called Pacific Grove.  And there is a law on the books in that city establishing a $500 fine for molesting butterflies.

It’s also the state that will soon have the most gullible people in the whole damned world.  And YOU could be one of the chosen few.

“How”, you ask?

Easy…    Grab a chair…  Lemme ’splain…

Crooks (you know, those bad guys who want your money and want to give you nothing in return?  Just like insurance salesman?) will soon be plying their trade as…  <gasp> census takers.  That’s right!  Those are the good folks at the census who want to know how much money your family makes and how many toilets you have?  (Boy, if you run a porta-potty biz, you got some numbers to share, doncha?)

It’s a scam (not the porta-potty thing, the census taker thing) and it works like this…

Scammers pose as census workers to elicit personal information (names. phone numbers, social security numbers, addresses, bank account information) from unsuspecting victims…   that means they are scamming someone other than you, because you now know the partial truth.  Read the rest and you will know the whole truth.

Unfortunately, scammers often find easy pickings, especially in gullible California.  Some people still offer up such information easily.  Others who are more cautious about providing personal information are often fooled by crooks who falsely pose as official representatives of agencies.  In other words, if someone shows up at your door claiming to be President Obama and he has a check he wants to give you, shoot first, then look for the secret service.

And for God’s sake, if they want to invite themselves into your home and your Rottweiler wants a little taste of the census takers fanny, by all means let “Bowser” take a big ol’ bite.

Look, if a U.S. Census worker knocks on your door, they will have a badge, some kind of handheld recording device, a federally issued Census Bureau canvas bag and a written/laminated confidentiality notice. Ask to see their identification and their badge before answering their questions. However, you should never invite anyone you don’t know into your home.

Census workers are currently only knocking on doors to verify address information. Do not give your Social Security number, credit card or banking information to anyone, even if they claim they need it for the U.S. Census.   While the Census Bureau might ask for basic financial information, such as a salary range (which should always be the lowest amount range they tell you), they will not ask for Social Security, bank account information or credit card numbers, nor will employees solicit donations (not even to complete your census form for you).

HEY…   YOU PAYING ATTENTION?  That means these clowns could also attempt to separate you from your hard earned money by way of e-mail.  They could even offer a service of helping you complete your census forms for a small fee of $50.  Any crook offering to do the form for $50 bucks is not a very good crook.  Many of these jerks are charging upwards of $250.

NOTE TO SELF:  Don’t put outgoing mail in your home mail box.  These guys are taking your outgoing mail and trying the double dip as a census taker.  The outgoing mail helps them identify who you are and the bills you pay by reading (and eventually cashing) the checks in your mail box.  It makes them sound efficient and realistic and very, very rich.  Meanwhile, you will be getting a collections call about a payment you were sure you mailed (yep…  there’s the check processed by my bank…  and it was cashed by Mary Juanna).

Is any of this true?

Do me a favor…   Someone walks up and pounds on your door and says “Hi, My name is Jerry Attrick and I work for the Census Bureau.  Is your name Stu Pid and do you live here?”, just answer; “What is the State of None-of-your-damned-business” and close the door.  Come back here, reread this and ask yourself “Is any of this true?”

As God is my witness.  And not my census taker.

Until next week…