However the term applies mostly to the searching and collecting of birds eggs.

Here’s a conversation I overheard as I was standing in a food market check out stand while the blue hair at the front of the line searches for more metal coin to pay her bill to the penny…

“These damn gas prices are killing me. I had to pay up twice in one stop cause the pump wouldn’t take more than fifty dollars at a time…”

As I calculate, the vehicle that Mr. Whiner was talking about had to have a tank of just around 20 gallons. If he filled it once to fifty bucks at todays prices, and then had to re-up his CC again for another fifty, he had a hefty gas tank. I got five bucks in “AM/PM Pony in your Tank” dollars that Mr. Whiner is driving a four wheel drive behemoth that barely gets double digits driving down hill, has never been off-road in his life, spins tires that are at least as tall as an LT and probably has over 400+ cubic inches under the hood.

Gas prices to high? STOP DRIVING!

Another conversation overheard while standing in line at Target waiting for a checker to put a large box in a way to small bag and asking the customer, who’s IQ is probably a little bit higher than the number of tires on the family van, to help her out…

“Some of the guys on the radio are predicting $4 per gallon in the next couple of months. I’m gonna have to make my son walk to school pretty soon.”

Um… he isn’t doing that now? Let me guess… a mommy taxi that does probably 85 miles in the morning taking the kids to school, picking up the dry-cleaning, dropping off the mail and doing a bit of shopping at all the stores that have sales running right now. In the afternoon, it’s 125 miles picking the kids up from school and bringing them home so they can change and then it’s a ferry trip to the ball park, dancing class or karate practice.

Gas prices to high? STOP DRIVING!

This kind of thing drives me berserk and proves that we have had it way to good as of late. Now, when some jack ass in the oil industry buys a new mega yacht and wonders how he’s gonna pay for it, the price goes up at the pump. It hurts even more in California because we are just gullible enough to continue to pay the high price irregardless of what they say and what we know. We still cart the kiddies all over hell and gone and sit in “stand-still” traffic waiting for idiotic lights to change just so we can get that brand new push-up bra at Victoria’s Secret or the new “Blu-Ray” HD DVD thingamabob!

Gas prices to high? STOP DRIVING!

I’m not saying that we all have to garage the family four wheel gas guzzler forever. Let’s just change our habits/ideas a little bit.

1. Stop ferrying the kids (husbands / wives) all over the place.

Bicycles are good forms of transportation and great exercise. Teach your kids the rules of the road and let them cart themselves to and from. If they are close enough to walk to school, let them walk… why when I was a kid, I was walking in snowdrifts about that high… um… wait… I grew up in Los Angeles… well, I did walk to school everyday when I was a kid. If they can’t walk, then there has to be a school bus. Try car pooling the kiddies to their activities with other mommy taxi’s. No reason you
should drive five days a week when a crew of five mom’s can find a one day a week compromise. So the youngster has to wait for thirty-five minutes before pick-up… builds character.

2. Plan your trips to maximize the time spent burning fuel.

Shop at the grocery/specialty store later in the evening. Traffic is a lot less on both the streets and in the store. I found out that one trip I used to take to a store I shop at, was over 45 miles and took a little over an hour to get there. Now I ask the question; Do I really need to shop there right now and would my time and dollars be better spent when I can hit five or six stores in the same area on the same day or at some other time?

3. Got a motorcycle/electric car/bicycle? USE IT!

Bungees are great things. Tie that purchase up on the pillion seat and motor/pedal away. Think of all the gas money you are saving by using the motorcycle/bicycle. Find reasons/excuses to use the alternative. Got a back-pack and a bicycle? Uber savings. Heck, last night I figured out that I could go to the bowling alley on my scooter. Just had to forget one of my spare bowling balls. Savings? About $4.50 a week.

4. Tread softly. Forget about the big stick. And keep it in working order.

As you already may know, a heavy foot equates to less gas mileage, ergo you spend more at the pump and less at the food mart. So why push it? Tread lightly. Try and practice the “gas off” coast to a stop. Accelerate easy and smoothly from a standing start. I know, I know… that primal urge to mash the pedal to the floor to beat great grandpa in the Falcon next to you is almost overwhelming. Just think about using a light touch and allow grandpa his victory.

The automobile is a machine and, as such, they tend to get cranky with old age. God knows I’m getting old and my missus tells me I getting cranky just like the sled. So you have to keep it running in tip top shape. When was the last time you checked the air pressure in the tires, replaced the air-filter, gave it a good bath… All these things can drain valuable duckets from your pocketbook in the form of a fill-up you may not really need. Keep it clean and in proper working order.

5. Plan vacations that don’t require a second mortgage to fill the gas tank.

Vacations are a hoot. I love to vacation. But an eighteen state driving adventure over the course of three weeks is just crazy during these times. Find a place close to home, pack the kids, dog and tent and make it a local adventure that costs you the price of five expensive lattes. You will thank me later… or think about selling your kids. (either way, it’s a win…)

6. Ask yourself if the trip is really necessary.

Every time I think I need to get out, I stop and ask myself, “Is this trip really necessary? Do I really have to drop off the DVD “27 Dresses” today or can it wait? Does the fact that the toaster took a dive and now it creates roofing shingles mean that I have to hit Wal-Mart to get another one today! Do I really need the double latte, no foam and extra hot?”

OK… I’ll give you the last one… But keep asking yourself; Is this trip really necessary?

Just don’t whine about gas prices. Yeah, they are high. Yeah, they are going to go higher. On the bell curve of total fossil fuels we are on the down side of availability. In other words, we are using it up and there isn’t as much that’s readily available anymore. There doesn’t seem to be any dinosaurs around who are kicking the bucket and adding to the fossil fuel stockpiles either.

So park the gas hog until you absolutely need to use it and find little ways to stay off the “gas-o-hol” diet. Keep asking yourself; Is this trip really necessary? Finding reasons not to use fuel and ways that you can save your hard earned cash is a lot like finding a bird’s egg.

Then as an oologist, you could be one that oologizes.

Until next week…