It also has the most protein of all the fruits!

So what made me decide to talk about fruits and vegetables? Because last week, all anyone wanted to talk about was the New Year. I was getting wished “Happy New Year” about every fifteen minutes. It got me thinking… I go to work, come home, watch a bit ‘o’ the box, go to bed and the alarm reminds me I have to get up to do it all over again. Hmmm…. OK. Let’s talk about the “new” year.

What I would like to know is what so “new” about the year?

Let’s see… what’s new? I still have to pay my bills; that hasn’t changed. The grocery store still knows me by my first name. Mail keeps getting delivered to my house, junk mail and all. The “cage” still needs gasoline and regular oil changes. Every time I look out the front window I have more leaves in my yard, kinda like last week and the week before. The litter box has got to be changed, and my right rear molar hasn’t gotten any better. My boss still reminds me of the fact that I’m missing most of my deadlines. My tail-gunner manages to point out that the honey-do list is heavy. Did you know that she’s very good about pointing out that they were on the list a month ago? No sooner has Christmas ended and tax season is upon us. I did all of this last year… and the year before.

So I’m still trying to determine what’s so new?

The more I think about all of this New Year hype the more I realize that there really isn’t anything “NEW” about the New Year. Oh yeah, a four digit number increased by one. Big deal. I’m still paying bills, I’m still running errands, I still go to work and I’m still fixing things that break.

AND I’M STILL GAINING WEIGHT!

Actually, the last item I can fix. I’m going on this NEW Two-Diet plan. The first diet is to keep me losing weight. The second diet comes into play when the first diet doesn’t satisfy my cravings. Wait a minute… I think I was on this diet last year.

So you see… there’s nothing really “new” about the New Year. And if you really think about it, the words “Happy New Year” basically translate to: Have a good time in the same old year with a brand new date slapped on it because nothing is really new and still the world is full of idiots who are out to get you! It’s not really “new”.

Actually, instead of “Happy New Year”, we should be saying “Happy Same Old Crap as Last Year!”

Um… ’scuse me… You wanna pass the salt? I’m having my avocado, bacon, tomato and rib-eye sandwich and sea food cocktail with banana pudding as desert. God how I love my potassium and protein. And this “new” diet is just wonderful!

Until next week…

It’s called Hogmanay and it is said to symbolize the burning of the old year to make room for the new.

Hey, there’s always an alternative. I’d pay five bucks to see you rolling a flaming tar-filled barrel down your street.

Until next week…