And in mid evil times it was considered an aphrodisiac and was fed to newly weds as a sweet soup.

Don’t know what that has to do with what I am really PO’d about (and I am really PO’d) this week, but hey, it was something I found interesting. You see, things that interest me are really a highlight of… um… oops! I’m sorry… didn’t mean to keep you in suspense.

Let me tell you what I am so “tanked” about. (For those of you in Rio Linda – def: tanked Verb; as in, really angry to the point of screaming for an hour; Syn: PO’d)

Hard plastic “clamshell” packaging.

You know the stuff I am talking about. The sturdy crimped air-tight plastic packaging that almost everything at a Fry’s or Best Buy store is packaged in? This stuff is impervious to nuclear detonation. It can’t be opened with scissors, at least you can’t do it without getting a digit shaved off by a sharp edge. Knives add a whole different dimension to the “just open the package” issue (cruel joke about an “arm and a leg” in there somewhere). At one point in my quest of getting an item out of the package I got so frustrated fighting the plastic suit of armor that I resorted to just trying to rip and/or tear it apart. Six and half hours waiting in the ER and 12 stitches later… (but that’s another story)

I understand why retailers like the stuff. It makes a large, bulky package out of an item that could otherwise easily be slid into a pocket. Just try and shoplift a 2Gb MP3 player in todays clamshell packaging. Not that I would try and shoplift a 2Gb MP3 player mind you, but I think you can picture someone trying to smuggle a small television set out in thier pants. Retailers can place small high traffic items like MP3 players, cameras, accessories etc., right out in the open instead of having them stored in a locked glass display cases that only one employee who has the key can open up (and, of course, that employee is on a lunch break… but that’s another story).

Now I understand why most people use the internet to shop. Not as much of a headache to open a lightweight paper envelope with your item inside. Whoops! Wait a sec…

It’s in a clam shell package…

ARRRRRRRRGH!!

Until next week…

and they do that in a “school” zone… where’s a cop when you need one?

The scoop is: a newly redesigned LT for 2010. What would you like to see on your new BMW luxury tourer?

Oh boy… this is just like Chrissymas!

Let’s see.. I wanna:

• High definition DVD player with passenger back-rest mounted wrap around screen.

• A four port tuned exhaust with electronic cut-outs and sound fabrication amplification system.

• A minimum of 13 gallon gas tank so that I can go for eight hours before stopping.

• Leather pouches that attach to the rear trunk housing for storing more non-essential stuff.

• 480 watts of true 5 channel surround sound.

• CB, GMRS, Short-wave, 350 channel scanner with a 1/4 wave loaded antenna that folds into a packet the size of a carton of cigarettes

• Cigar lighter, not just the port, that’s accessible to the driver AND passenger so we can light our cigars when we travel

• Windscreen with windshield wipers and defogger

• Heads-up display or HUD that projects onto the windscreen that shows the following:

1. Outside air-temp w/ humidity and barometric pressure reading

2. Heading / course / destination arrival time estimate

3. Speed (both indicated and satellite GPS derived)

4. Gas gauge in 1/16 increments

5. Miles per gallon / miles to empty gauge
   

6. Oil temp /Water temp gauge with “fans running” indicators

7. Annunciators that tell me when all lighting is running

8. Wheel pressure indicators

9. DVD screen for mounted camera’s… or movies (switchable)

10. Tilt / angle / incline / acceleration meters

and… gotta have this…

• grass skirted hula girl mounted on the dashboard

Gee – Zuss! I want it all. I want it right now.

It’s fun to dream, but dammit I get angry when I see this kind of crap. The LT is not a Hum-V. It’s sure as hell not a GT, RT or GSXR. And as it stands right now, it happens to embody the best that a long-distance cruiser can offer. It has been doing this since 1999 as far as I am concerned.

Personally? I’m happy right where she sits.

Forget about adding a sixth gear.
What? To many RPM’s at freeway speeds? This engine is designed to run at higher RPM’s than that Ford Pinto you have now. I have found that by reading traffic and being one step ahead of the yahoo’s in the cages, I can determine that a down shift is necessary and make the quick moves required to stay in on piece for another day.

Forget about an integral GPS system.
I am like many others in the world; I know how to read a map. Besides, the stop and get-off is good for the circulation and visiting the “necessary”.

Forget about an integrated MP3 player.
I paid 12 dollars for 2 2GB MP3 players and they plug right into the radio that’s currently on the bike. I like MP3 players. But what about the guy who would rather listen to the highway, the CB, FM/AM radio or GMRS radio instead of Tammy Wynette singin’ D-I-V-O-R-C-E for the fourth time cause there’s not enough GB’s on the installed player.

Forget about the loss of 200 lbs. She’s a touring bike, not a road racer
Read the name plate. LT – Luxury Tourer. If she was an airplane and her “useful weight” was 400 lbs. I’d be concerned. She is a luxury touring machine.

Forget about an integrated satellite radio system.
If you want satellite radio, you can have satellite radio… RIGHT NOW! It’s not hard to mount, you can choose what flavor you want, and you can listen to Howard Stern all day long… except in Yosemite’s tunnels.

Forget about the key fob local activation system.
Just more crap to keep you from riding your scooter should it fail. Or maybe it won’t fail, maybe you’ll forget how to do something and need to read the manual. So you use the key, get the manual out, spend twenty minutes figuring out the right page, read and reread the material so that you understand it, look up and it’s way past your bed time.

Forget about variable valving and timing.
See the first sentence from above. Let’s tinker with the drive-train a bit more. I want to be the first on the BMW LT site to complain about being a “12 percenter” for the failure of my computer controlled roller bearing cams!

Forget about 1500+ cc’s, V6, in-line 6 or turbo charging.
Gas is getting more expensive and now you want to knock down her mileage? increase her engine size? add more moving parts that may or may not last the first 60K miles?

Forget about a machine capable of doing 135 mph sustained speed.
On what freeway in the United States can you do anything over 75 mph legally? (I forgot… you CAN do that in SoCal… my bad!)

Forget about air-conditioning / additional engine heat venting.
As long as we are at it, let’s add air bags, steering column collision resistance systems, emergency foam extrusion impact dampeners… it’s a motorcycle for cryin’ out loud. You want A/C? Get in your cage and turn it up full. Riding a bike is for real people who like riding a motorcycle.

Forget about Electronic Suspension Adjust.
Just another thing to go wrong. I have found that by paying attention to the ride I was just on and adjusting my “manual” system accordingly, I get a great, smooth ride. I know where to place the adjustment when two-up, I know where to place the adjustment when two-up and loaded. I also know where to place the adjustment when I’m one up, and, glory be, I know when I’ll be riding two-up and when I won’t. If you want the ability to choose your suspension adjustment “on-the-fly”, buy it and install it. But don’t include it for us purists.

Forget about an additional 35 (or more) horse power.
Unless you have done 100K miles on one of these things and driven it on every road in the U. S., the additional HP can only get you in trouble. Read the accounts of those people who have been thrown from the bike for goosing it going around a corner. You want a sport bike feel? Buy a sport bike.

I like the LT for exactly what she is; a luxury touring machine. I don’t want all the crap that people seem to think they need. If it’s something I want on the bike, I research, I talk to others, I make a decision and I install the “farkle”. It’s that simple. Don’t get me wrong, if BMW makes a change in 2010, and I like the change and it makes sense, I’ll wait till 2012 (so that all the bugs get worked out) and get one then.

Variety is a part of life. If you want a sport bike, get a sport bike. If you want a race bike, get a race bike. If you want an off road bike, get an off road bike. Don’t try and make the LT what it isn’t and shouldn’t be.

And yet, as I sit here pondering my wish list from above… the High definition DVD player with passenger back-rest mounted wrap around screen seems like a real nice idea. Better than having the passengers DVD screen embedded in my helmet.

Until next week…

It’s Tequila’s cousin, Mezcal, that has the butterfly larva inside the bottle.

In fact, it’s what’s inside that has me thinkin’ a bit.

As I said in my last post, I like to “view the tube” in the evening as a way to wind down from a chaotic day. One of the programs I have become enamoured with is National Geographic’s “DogTown”.

Click here to see DogTown.

DogTown is the largest no-kill animal facility in the country, located on 33,000 dry and desolate acres of Southern Utah canyon country. At any given time, the sanctuary hosts hundreds of dogs from all around the country, and the world, along with cats, horses, guinea pigs, rabbits, goats, and various other farm animals—between 1,500-2,000 animals at any one time.

Bruno’s Story

Bruno was recently featured on a DogTown eppie. He was a cinnamon colored chow relegated to a shelter and destined for euthanasia due to his age and health concerns. A DogTown tech saw the dog, and hoped there was a few more good years left in this old guy, even if it meant that he would end up a hospice dog. The care givers of Best Friends took Bruno from death row in Los Angeles and gave him all the care and support they could in what remained of his short life. He was warm, fed and loved by all. Alas, something in his body had a grip and he was humanely put to sleep.

While I was moved by the story, the one thing that had me thinking was that this group of people, the vets, techs, drivers, pilots, and caregivers (of a place I hope to one day visit) do all of this out of care for the animal and for each other. They don’t do it for themselves, notoriety, fame and fortune. They do it because they care.

In the hectic work-a-day world, it’s nice to see that there are people that have something wonderful inside. For any group of people, the care and concern we have for others, be they human or not, should always be paramount.

“Our task must be to free ourselves…by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”
– Albert Einstein

Until next week…